When explaining the characteristic traits of the various birth orders to my audience I am asked by some why they or someone they know does not seem to fit the mold as I explain the traits of their birth order. This is the time when I explain that birth order traits can be expressed in both a calm or a combative manner. Learn the positive and negative expressions of birth order traits, how people with the same birth order appear so different.
The Only Birth Order
Most everyone has seen the movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The children in this movie express the two sides of the Only birth order. Charlie, the responsible little “adult like” child was considerate and helped care for his elderly relatives.
The other children, Gustaf, Tex, and Veronica were selfish and displayed the characteristics of a spoiled child. This birth order can be the adult in the room or a demanding self-centered personality. Regis Philbin is an example that shows the “adult-like” characteristics.
Calm and self-assured at all times. This was also true of Walter Cronkite the broadcaster who was labeled “The most trusted man in America”. The character of the Only child is the one birth order that reflects the parents and their parenting. Condoleezza Rice is another well mannered “adult like” Only birth order.
Her father was a minister and her mother a music teacher. Books and education were her calling and she became President of Stanford University at the age of 38. David Berkowitz the “Son of Sam” killer was an illegitimate child that was adopted.
Raised as an Only child he was a lonely and shy and even joined the Baptist Church to find friends. He acted out his frustrations as he was not getting direction from his parents. Charles Manson was another Only that had a very troubled childhood.
His mother went to prison for armed robbery and prostitution. He was raised by an antiestablishment uncle who was a “mountain man”. By age nine Charlie set his school on fire. His followers were the family he never had but they carried out his anti- establishment agenda.
Sibling Conflicts
First Born
The interaction between siblings is the reason for unique expressions of birth order traits. For the firstborn holding on to their “Throne” is the all important focus of their unconscious behavior. They may have to fight hard to hold their position, as did Hillary Clinton who had two younger brothers.
This carried over into her adult life where we see her display the firstborn traits aggressively. Power over others is what the firstborn wants and Hillary is not subtle in her approach. Kelly Ripa shows the opposite characteristics as a first born, she did not have to fight off a challenge to her throne by a younger sister.
Jimmy Stewart was also a firstborn with a very self-assured personality. He did not feel the pressure on the “Throne” from his younger sisters. This made him a very supportive calm person because he had no fear of losing his position in the family. Most of the roles he took expressed this trait of a composed and calm person, feeling very secure.
I recall one person that I was consulting, a firstborn with a younger sister that was born with a handicapped. She seemed to be holding back her rage. As the firstborn she was not receiving the attention she felt she deserved. Her younger sister was getting the attention that she felt was her right.
She could not speak out against her sister, she just suffered in silence until she could take out her feelings and frustration on someone not in her family. Her first husband felt the full force of her discontent and that marriage ended in divorce.
Second Born
The second born has an overwhelming desire to dethrone the firstborn and take this position. If he can accomplish this no one will be telling him what to do. This of course has a devastating effect on the firstborn. As children, the second born will start copying their older sibling and if they cannot achieve the dethroning, they will go in another direction.
They may then show frustration and aggressiveness all of their lives. This could have been the case of Kim Jon-IL the former dictator of North Korea, or Anthony Weiner the former Congressman. If they do elevate themselves to the higher position they may still feel the need to earn a lot of money to hold their position and prevent others from giving them orders.
Celebrities
Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and Mark Zuckerberg are billionaires, all had older sisters. Their money allows them the freedom they seek. Martha Stewart may have gone a little too far by using the system for insider trading to make additional money. The former Congressman Tom Delay may also have lost his moral compass when he was convicted of money laundering.
In the Congress he was nicknamed the “Hammer” for wreaking political vengeance on his opponents. This is the birth order than likes to control their space but not that of others. The Second born has a belief system that is hard to change for he does not see things personally but has his own standards of what is right and wrong.
He goes right when the others go left and that is exactly what was said of our former President Ronald Reagan a Second born that dethroned his older brother. Ronald Reagan held to his belief about the evils of Communism.
When at the Berlin Wall that separated East and West Berlin he said, “Mr. Gorbachev tear down this wall” and it did come down. If the Second born holds stubbornly to his beliefs he can show a negative side of this birth order.
Timothy McVea the Oklahoma Bomber held stubbornly to his belief about the abuse of power by the Federal Government. Eva Braun, Hitler’s mistress could not bring herself to believe that Hitler was wrong even though her own father thought he was a mad man.
On the positive side Martin Luther King Jr. held to his belief that all men should be treated equal in his quest for civil liberty. The stubborn trait of this birth order can be used for good. positive and negative expressions of birth order traits.
Third Born
The Third birth order sees life differently from their first two siblings. Many Third borns are not well grounded in reality and can become dreamers. They see the artistic side of things and see the bigger picture of humanity in all its forms. They are very sensitive and can come and go emotionally. Mother Theresa was a Third born.
She saw poverty in India and tried to help people overcome their circumstances. Religion is an interest of many Third borns as they have a non monetary view of the world. When I say Rosie O’Donnell was a Third born people say how can that be?
Your personality is shaped by your position in the family and from your interactions with yoursiblings. Rosie has all brothers with whom she interacted. The Third born is very sensitive and will do their best to not show they have been hurt from others by sometimes putting up a hard shell as protection.
This is Rosie’s defense. Chris Farley used comedy to shield himself from the world but also fell prey to drugs as did Charlie Sheen, another Third born. On the positive side, Dwight Eisenhower our former President was the commander our troops and won World War II and helped bring peace to the World.
President Teddy Roosevelt was instrumental in developing our National Park system by saving much of our wilderness for others to enjoy. As a Third born he saw the bigger picture.
Fourth Born
This is the baby in the birth order sequence. If life and work are not fun, this birth order won’t play. Michael Jordan the basketball player and Olga Korbut the gymnast are both Fourth borns and work was play. Dolly Parton also has fun with her work and does not take life too seriously.
There is however a negative side with trying to not grow up. This was seen with the socially unacceptable behavior of Mary Kay Letourneau the school teacher that had an affair with her thirteen year old student. She went to jail but violated her parole to see him again.
She eventually married him when she finished her prison sentence. He was also a Fourth born birth order. Seeing yourself as a child and not taking responsibility for your actions can be a negative side of this birth order. They can get into co-dependent relationships because as a child, many tasks were taken care of by older siblings.
Summary
All birth orders show their characteristics in both positive and negative ways. Don’t be confused by behaviors that just don’t seem to fit. The siblings in one’s family color the expression of one’s birth order. You may need to ask a few questions before you understand what is going on. Positive and negative expressions of birth order traits.
I have addressed only the Single Birth orders and not the Double Birth orders. Double Birth orders have much stronger personality characteristics. This translates into even greater differences in their behavior as they amplify, intensify and magnify all the normal birth order characteristics.