3 Reasons Why Knowing Your Birth Order Doesn’t Always Work
3 Reasons Why Knowing Your Birth Order Doesn’t Always Work
We’ve all heard about birth order and the stereotypes that come with it…
The rule-following firstborn.
The don’t-tell-me-what-to-do 2nd born.
The whatever-you-think 3rd born.
It’s fun to think about them in generalities, but the truth is, when we try to learn something from studying birth order, we often wind up saying: “well, that’s not me” or “that doesn’t apply”.
This is why critics of birth order theory say it doesn’t work.
It’s too general. Too often wrong.
And often, the expected behaviors of the birth order don’t apply to a particular person.
The Hard Truth About Birth Order
Just about EVERYBODY gets it wrong when it comes to birth order.
It’s not that the behaviors don’t apply to specific birth orders.
It does. Birth order is real.
It’s that IDENTIFYING your REAL birth order isn’t that simple.
What do I mean?
Birth order theory is correct in that an Only,1, 2, or 3 tend to behave in certain ways.
But unless you come from a family with perfect circumstances, chances are that even though you think you’re a 1, 2, or 3, you’re probably not.
And then there’s the 4+ which isn’t talked about at all.
Here are 3 reasons why the majority of birth order teachings and content are dead wrong and how to find your REAL birth order!
Problem #1 - Sibling Rivalry
Children often change their birth order by moving up or down in the family structure.
People often think of sibling rivalry as Cane and Abel stuff, with siblings continually battling and fighting each other.
Sometimes that’s the case.
Other times, it’s a quieter form of rivalry.
For instance, if you are the firstborn, maybe your next youngest sibling is more successful than you. Maybe something happened to your health, or you somehow lost your position as #1 and are now a #2.
Just because you were born first doesn’t mean you always retain that position in your family.
And if you are “dethroned,” so to speak, or you’re the second born now acting as the firstborn, your behaviors and attitudes change.
Problem #2 - Age Gaps
If you are the second-born child in your family, but you were born more than 4 years after your next oldest sibling, guess what?
You’re NOT a #2.
You’re actually a #2 (only).
When there are gaps of 4+ years between siblings, you get an additional birth order, that of the Only birth order.
We call this Double Birth Order.
Problem #3 - Blended Families
Nearly half of the world’s population is part of a blended family due to divorce.
So what happens when an oldest child from one family blends into another family who also has an oldest child?
Birth orders reset. One of them will hold the Throne as the oldest; the other will be demoted to the #2 position.
You can’t have 2 #1s in a family.
Blended families are often hard to identify the new birth order, but the impact of the changes are real. Those children that move down in birth order have a greater difficulty adjusting in this new family
The Solution: Find Your True Birth Order
So with all this said, is birth order a real thing?
You bet it is!
After practicing orthodontics for more than 50 years, studying thousands of families, and writing a book on birth order, I’m more convinced than ever that birth order is the #1 thing we can learn about to help us understand our behaviors and the behaviors of others around us.
But applying the simple 1, 2, 3 method doesn’t usually work.
The Rosetta Stone of understanding birth order is to learn how to find your “TRUE” birth order.
Once you find your TRUE birth order, everything will make much more sense. And you’ll finally understand things that may have driven you crazy for some time.
Click here to find out how to calculate your true birth order. You’ll be glad you did!